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Olympic tickets


Here I am in England, a native of these shores

But can I see Olympics behind those ‘key-less’ doors?

I tried to buy a ticket – the Internet was full;

So here I am in London like a hungry, raging bull!


I’d love to watch the boxing, gymnastics or just…  SPORT!

So please sell me one ticket – I’ll write a full report;

I’ve seen spare seats on tele’, in fact there’s rows of them;

I’d give my granny for a seat- I’ll dig her up again!


At night I drift back home to bed and sadly go to sleep

With all the cheering in my head of counting ‘winning’ sheep;

I wake up in the morning, determined to get in

To see my favourite sporting stars perform for me again


There’s nothing else to live for… not sure if I can stick it;

Wandering around the Olympic Park

Without a bloody ticket!


BORIS… Where are your Olympic Tickets,

Have you stuffed them in your pocket?

Are they locked up safe at Wembly?

Oh-ho! you say you cannot lock-it!


Maybe I can zoom to Wembly

And rummage through your office;

Let me have your Lord Mayor’s ticket-

Can I have it, Boris?

(Read this next bit fast, with a single breath)…

Then I’ll be your friend and vote for you to become Prime Minister and support all your wonderful projects around London that will make you famous – and I’ll even give a TV interview to say how much I appreciate your Oxford education and all your funny ways… (breath again) – I’ll see you right Boris!!


You see, Boris, I don’t blame YOU for us having no Olympic tickets, I just wish that all those lucky people who have them would go and sit in their seats.

When I watch my television at home….

… It distracts me, man!


PLEASE, someone, where can I get some Olympic tickets… I need a break from sitting at home, CRYING!!